Huckabee: The Other Man From Hope

Ok FINE, let's talk about Mike Huckabee. It seems that A Small Town Called Hope, Arkansas has a machine out the back which just SHOOTS out little Presidential candidates. First Bill Clinton and now former lardass Huckabee have made the journey all the way from Hope, through the Governor's mansion, and onto the election tour bus. The reason we're shining the desk-lamp of fame onto Mike today is that his showing in the Ames Straw Poll has APPARENTLY done him some kind of, you know, good. Hurraaay. And now that one bastard's said so, every other bastard will wonder if it's true. It's like the Life of Brian in the GOP at the moment.

Soo. Let's see:

1) He's one of those Frenemies - a former fatty mclardpants who lost 110 pounds and won't stop showing off, making us all feel bad. He even wrote a book about it, called 'Quit Digging Your Own Grave With a Knife and Fork' or something. He keeps running marathons, which some might say is 'health advocacy', but which seems pretty passive aggressive to us.

2) He moved into a trailer on the grounds of the Governor's Mansion while the building was being redone. Haha.

3) He's pro-life, anti civil unions, pro death-penalty, anti-cuddles.

4) His wife, Janet, who clearly lurrves having her photo taken, ran for Secretary of State in Arkansas. She lost, cos they don't like the little ladies getting all in charge of stuff down there. But hey!

5) He doesn't think the USA should militarize it's borders with Mexico, and has vetoed a BUNCHA nasty legislation in Arkansas which would have denied illegal immigrants basic human rights, saying it was 'Un-Christian.'

6) UNfortunately, as an ordained Baptist minister, he's not totally averse to the teaching of creationism in schools. Mmm.

7) He's not stupid! Yay. And Newt Gingrich thinks he might win a coupla primaries. And he's reached this alleged breakthough on ONE FIFTY-TWOth of Hillary Clinton's campaign budget. That's right, we just maybe had to make up a word to describe how embarassing that should be for Ms. Clinton.

OMG, but wait! Look at Huckabee on Hardball:

Woah. Ok. Vote...Huckabee?