Barack Obama. At Last.

Barack Obama, the Senator from Illinois, is the Democratic party's nominee for President of the United States.
It took Obama 400 years to wrestle this nomination from Hillary Clinton, and he has 5 days to campaign for the actual office of president, but...wait. There's plenty of time for that sorta talk. Stay with us, listeners. The Monocle had been watching the Obama YouTube channel, and it feels a little bit strange.

The Monocle grew up with hope - we spent our childhoods parading round in vegan booties on behalf of, I dunno, like Peace and Fluffy Bunnies and shit. Our parents drew special little protest signs for our tiny hands to hold. Unlike their American counterparts, that generation didn't really, as Winona says in (this generation's Anna Karenina) Reality Bites, sell their dreams for a pair of running shoes. Nah, in Europe they just sort of...moved to Wales.

When the Monocle arrived in America George Bush was about to be re-elected, and no-one really cared. Oh sure, there were a couple of vigils every now and then, but the whole protest movement was confined to the Women's Studies Department of one small section of Washington Square park in New York Citeh. The Monocle gazed around, befuddled. Where was their responsibility? Where was the communication? The Monocle would like to suggest that the movement we didn't see then can be be seen clearly now: that movement is here:


We Europeans haven't thought much of America in the last few years. We suspected they didn't really get things done, not properly, not moving to Wales properly. We never imagined they'd give Obama the nomination. Now, America's got plenty of time to utterly balls this up. Come November we could be lookin' at President Grandpaw McCain. That'd be a'ight. But for today, high on insomnia, we'll buy the Obama Campaign's story, and we'll admit that we've learnt a lesson. We might believe that Barack Obama's narrative is as carefully written as a novel, but it works. It works because people are ready to take it and make it happen. Story ain't just story, not in a place like America. Story is everything. Story makes things happen. Protest is valuable, but it doesn't do this.

Darn! Outfoxed again, you wily campaign strategists!

A Call for the Resting of Certain Guardian Journalists

Dear Sir,

It has come to our attention that certain of your good colleagues have overloaded on Dunkin Donuts, bleary back-seat cat-naps, incessant, blaring hotel-television news, debate-hall entrance music and constant deadlines, and have started to turn in copy like this:

Last week was his worst since he launched his campaign in February last year. He was tested by an incendiary public appearance last week by his former pastor, Jeremiah Wright, which pushed race up the agenda.


We suggest that you let Ewan MacAskill and Suzanne Goldberg have a break, already. Nobody really cares about this stuff anymore anyway. Give them a minibreak. Maybe together. Let 'em come back when two people are actually running for President.

If you don't, they might try to push something much pointier than race up YOUR agenda.

Respectfully Yours

The Monocle.

Bloggers Against Voting: Take Your Stand

Welcome back, y'all! Unfortunately the Monocle overloaded sometime around the 36th Very Last Primary, and we've just now stepped off the plane from a charming little retreat on an unamed island somewhere between cell-phone & broadband ranges, so we have no idea who the Democrats chose as their nom...what. The. F*ck? Seriously. No.

Indiana? Are they MAKING UP STATES now?

Maaargh, at this stage, all the Democrats are doing making quite sure the world knows that neither candidate can win a gosh darn election. Ok. Fine. Whatever. The Monocle is strong. The Monocle is going to ignore "Indiana", and very quickly, very quietly, call the race for Barack Obama. See! No problem. Obama. No wait! No, Obama.

The Monocle is then going to call for a radical change in the voting system, whereby one state, (and we'd like to nominate...say, New York - see that was easy), will choose both nominees in one swift primary, then another (hmm, let's say Pennsylvania) will choose the President.

If that's not possible, America must never be allowed to vote again. We, the rest of the world, will elect their President, and we will do it in time for lunch.

In the meantime, it seems that, for reasons literally nobody cares about, Obama will absolutely, definitely, certainly, without a shadow of a whisker of a doubt, be the nominee. Probably.

In Depth With The Romney Boys

What could possibly have drawn the Monocle out of its coma? Was it the surprisingly viable Huckabee candidacy (WE CALLED IT! WE CALLED IT AGES AGO!)? Was it the moronic hooha surrounding Hillary's allegedly career-turning sniffle? Was it the inevitable race-based fracas between Hillary and Barack, a fight which proves, once and for all, that the Democratic party is perfectly capable of losing this race all by themselves, THANKyouverymuch? Nope. It's a Salt Lake City Blog. Click here to peruse the work of one a few brave Utah women, as they ask the one question no-one's afraid to answer: Mitt Romney's sons: Hott? Or Nott? Now, when you reach the pink haven of this gorgeous slice of Internet Punditry, remember to take some time to browse these boys' Myspace pages. It's worth it, believe us.

Oh, and welcome back, Upper East Siders. You know you love me.
xoxo