The Political Brain

It is a truth universally acknowledged that so far 2008:The Endless Campaign has been a bumper-pack of R&B videos, thinly disguised racial slurs and sopranos-related japery. There is no earthly reason why the world SHOULDN'T already have settled on the couch, chips n dips at the ready, to watch it unfold. But the Monocle is going on holiday, and before we go, like Jerry Springer, we'd like to take the tone deep down to Meaningful. Take a look at this article: http://politics.guardian.co.uk/bookshelf/story/0,,2143929,00.html

When George W. Bush was elected, Europe's furrowed its brow. When he was RE-elected, our collective mind boggled. The answer, rather simply, is this: he got the story right. For us here at the Monocle, political campaigns are fun for a very specific reason: they're about storytelling. Who are candidates? What story have they chosen to tell about themselves? Which stories do the American people want to hear? How do candidates control their own stories, and how do their opponents spin webs of interpretation around them? Bill Clinton was a genius at it. The Monocle sat next to an elderly American couple the other day, and after the customary apologies for the State of their Nation, they got to talking about the Democratic candidates. What about John Edwards? the Monocle asked. "Ach, he feels like a loser," the couple said.

Drew Westen's new book, "The Political Brain: The Role of Emotion in Deciding the Fate of the Nation" is a comprehensive study of how Americans vote with their feelings. Well, sure and the Brits do as well, but America needs a hero. A home-grown hero. America needs a leader who knows how to tell the country that they were born to do the job. This year, Barack Obama is right on the money. This is how his wife tells his story:

Now there are some awesome Spouses in this race, not least the Little Man From Hope, Arkansas himself, but hey, how freaking great is Michelle Obama? We'd totes vote for her.

Westen's basic premise is this: People barely use their brains at all when they're voting. It's an interesting book. We're taking it with us to READ BY THE POOL. There's only one tiny flaw in his argument: Hillary Clinton is still the front runner for the nomination. What's HER story? The only thing she's really spinning is that she knows how to do the job. Well, that's kind of a story. The only person who knows how to play the game; the only guy who can wield the power properly. Yeah.

Blogtastic! Heroes and Villains

And so to the YearlyKos Convention, a great gathering of political nerds, elves and unemployed college grads, aaand the perfect setting for the latest installment of this month's Key Theme: Hillary vs. All You Motherf*ckers. While the YouTube debates are moderated by a talking puppet and require the candidates to submit their answers in song form only, the YearlyKostravaganza consists of 400 New-Balance-wearing political geeks pushing their spectacles up and asking questions about Section 14 of, er, Paragraph 40 (b) of the Amendment to the Bill for the Overturning of Steel Sanctions...Once again, Ms. Clinton caused a ruckus, throwing down with John Edwards about taking money from lobbyists. Hillary is now so used to the dogfight that she can't conceal her delight:

Yeah! So sue me! I'll take money! From the corporations! From any f*cker! I'm Cruella Motherf*cking Deville, assh*les! Bring it on! Watcha got, huh? Huh? Look upon these rolled-up shirt-sleeves, nerds, and cower. Hillary's here, and she's ready to do business. With anyone. You want a pantomime? Well I'm Your Fairy F*cking Godmother, and I'm here to get things done. Prettygirl Edwards, Pansyboy Obama, what kind of a world do you morons live in? Welcome to HillaryTown, U.S.A. This is real life. And real life hurts. MUAHAHAHA!

Goodness, those bloggists do like Obama, don't they? Poor man can hardly get a word out now without hundreds of screaming 20-somethings rising to their feet like they've just seen the Second Coming. Which, according to Mitt Romney, will take place in Missouri.

Mitt Romney: Champagne Mormon?

This weekend, you couldn't swing a cat without hitting a Presidential Candidate debate. They were practically standing in your supermarket aisles while you chose your cereal, "clarifying your question for you." At the YearlyKos convention the Dems were trotted up and down in front of an elite squadron of liberal bloggers, while the Repubs enjoyed the benefits of TV scheduling, going out live to the country early on a Sunday morning. Of course, the most revealing debate of the last few days comes courtesy of a hidden camera, Mitt Romney and an Iowan radio show host. The clip is 20 full minutes long. Who has 20 minutes for this sh*t? You do.
Is Mitt a real Mormon, or does his pro-choice record make him, like, a PUSSY kind of Mormon? Will he put off the religious right with his mimsy-pimsy, gay-marryin', alcohol-toleratin' carryings on? Oh yes, America's problem with you is that you might be a teensy bit liberal, and not that you believe, as you clearly state, that Christ's Second Coming will take place in both Jerusalem and Missouri. In fact, only once in a blue moon do we get to see a candidate speak so fluently and ungaurdedly about anything. Governor Romney makes a convoluted but passionate defense of the relationship between his politics and his faith. He's still a Mormon, but this will do him good. It wasn't done...on purpose, was it?

The Ames Straw Poll

Welcome to Ames, Iowa, everybody! Have a cookie! The Ames Straw Poll is the small town of Ames's way of helping the Republicans figure out how everybody's doing out there. Sometimes these campaigns get so crazy, it's nice just to check in, you know? Have a little dinner, raise a little money for the GOP. Debate some, drink some, poll some. It's super-fun. Republican candidates even buy people tickets to go, just in case they couldn't afford it. So this year's Straw Poll is screeching ever closer; by August 11th, our long, cold wait'll be over....

Giuliani? Brownback? Huckabee? McCain? Romney? Thompson? Erm. Ok. Ok, this is kind of embarrassing, but some of the candidates just called to cancel. Apparently Giuliani's got some dinner he can't get out of. And McCain can't scrape together the busfare. And Fred Thompson says he wouldn't want us to go to any extra trouble just for him. Whatever! It's still going to be a GREAT party. Who needs THOSE GUYS. We'll make our own fun. This poll still totally counts, people. Maybe Sam Brownback'll bust out some party trick and everyone'll be really, REALLY sorry they missed it. And hey, Giuliani, stop hanging around in Iowa if you're not going to eat our home-made cookies. We know what you're up to, buster: you think you might just win this poll without even trying. Well, spending every day in Iowa until August 11th, then leaving on the morning of the poll is still trying, young man. You think you're sooo cool, don't you? Rudy 'Look, no hands!' Giuliani. Well, no-one in Iowa likes a show-off. Why, it was the Ames Straw Poll that kick-started George W. Bush's campaign in 1999. Don't mess with us.