Welcome to Ames, Iowa, everybody! Have a cookie! The Ames Straw Poll is the small town of Ames's way of helping the Republicans figure out how everybody's doing out there. Sometimes these campaigns get so crazy, it's nice just to check in, you know? Have a little dinner, raise a little money for the GOP. Debate some, drink some, poll some. It's super-fun. Republican candidates even buy people tickets to go, just in case they couldn't afford it. So this year's Straw Poll is screeching ever closer; by August 11th, our long, cold wait'll be over....
Giuliani? Brownback? Huckabee? McCain? Romney? Thompson? Erm. Ok. Ok, this is kind of embarrassing, but some of the candidates just called to cancel. Apparently Giuliani's got some dinner he can't get out of. And McCain can't scrape together the busfare. And Fred Thompson says he wouldn't want us to go to any extra trouble just for him. Whatever! It's still going to be a GREAT party. Who needs THOSE GUYS. We'll make our own fun. This poll still totally counts, people. Maybe Sam Brownback'll bust out some party trick and everyone'll be really, REALLY sorry they missed it. And hey, Giuliani, stop hanging around in Iowa if you're not going to eat our home-made cookies. We know what you're up to, buster: you think you might just win this poll without even trying. Well, spending every day in Iowa until August 11th, then leaving on the morning of the poll is still trying, young man. You think you're sooo cool, don't you? Rudy 'Look, no hands!' Giuliani. Well, no-one in Iowa likes a show-off. Why, it was the Ames Straw Poll that kick-started George W. Bush's campaign in 1999. Don't mess with us.
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