Golly My Wife Is On the Phone What a Surprise.

Rudolph Giuliani has an iffy history with the National Rifle Association, to say the least. As mayor of New York F*ckin Citeh in its Taxi Driver days, he was kind of mean about guns. If you believe New Yorkers, back then a thirteen-year-old girl could buy a massive bazooka from her nearest Bodega and roam the streets unchecked, holding up steakhouses. So it's no wonder he said this:

Unfortunately, one can't swan about slagging off the NRA when one is running for President. Rudy's method of Mayoring in New York Citeh involved the heavy, heavy hand of the law taking a vice-like grip on all 5 boroughs. This doesn't really jive so well with the NRA's anti goverment-interference 'tude.

Inevitably, at the NRA conference on Friday, (like a beauty parade entirely for your wierd neighbour who sits out on the porch in a vest all day and stares at your wife for way too long) poor Rudy was required to backpedal, dodge, twist and shimmy in front of a stony-faced crowd. Brrr. Especially when Mike 'the governator' Huckabee of Arkansas kept going on about how he hunts every other day and named his youngest son Rifle and stuff.

Of course the best Gudy can hope for is that the NRA won't actively try to block his nomination; if they sit this election out - apart from muttering under their breath - he'll be ok. Rudy did his best, equating his LAWSUIT AGAINST GUN MANUFACTURERS (what was he thinking?) with the NRA's commitment to crime prevention. It was a masterful attempt. And then. This happened.

What. The F*ck.

We don't like to big ourselves up, but if a British politician tried a stunt like that little number the country would declare a national holiday entirely devoted to taking the piss; there'd be street-fairs, mandatory re-enactments, dancing and huge screens with the whole thing playing on a glorious, insulting loop. The politician would be forced to sign a pledge that he would never again run for elected office and would retire to a life of guest-hosting 'Have I Got News For You', writing for the Spectator and being papped outside Mahiki. His obituary would be accompanied by a photograph of him taking part in a charity football match dressed as a mobile phone.

The NRA gave him grudging applause.